camp for camp appeal

Summer is an interesting time. The increase in temperature seems to push people to an anxious state where they to do fun, new, exciting and sometimes, stupid things. I decided to spend my summer working at an all boys summer camp working as the camp videographer. My newly signed contract prohibits me from actually mentioning the name of the camp but trust me, it’s a nice camp. They tell me it’s the nicest all boys camp in Texas. Why anyone would send their kids to a single-sex camp is beyond me. I thought camp was a place of first loves and first kisses. Now I know what you’re thinking,why are you working at an all boys camp, well I will tell you: Money. Boredom. Curiosity. The camp is going to pay me more than my normal jobs would. There is nothing else going on this summer. And seriously, I’ve never done the camp thing so it might actually be fun. I might as well experience something like this while I still can. I won’t be the only girl there. Apparently there are 7 other girls working at the camp doing various things and our cottage has air conditioning and blinds on the windows (my new boss told me this like 10 times so apparently it’s important to note).

My new boss reassures me it’s a normal boys camp that does “boy things”. When I asked what kind of boy things he replied “Boy things like horseback riding and archery” . Oh because girls don’t like horseback riding or archery. He went on to explain to me that they don’t do Arts and Crafts because that’s what girls do, [at this camp] they do Nature Crafts. For example in Nature Crafts, the boys might make a house out of Popsicle sticks, similar to Arts and Crafts, but then place the newly made houses at the bottom of a hill then proceed to throw rocks at the houses to see who’s house can survive an avalanche. I apparently have a lot to learn. I wonder how many times someone is going to say to me this summer, “oh boys will be boys”.

Needless to say, I’m a little nervous because I’ve never really been to camp and I’m 25 years old. Apparently I will be one of the oldest counselors there. I will be completely out of my element. I’ve never been on a horse, though I rode a camel once at the San Antonio Zoo, I’ve never shot a gun before, I’ve never shot a bow and arrow, I actually like arts and crafts and I vote democrat and sometimes third party. When I was a kid I begged my mom to send me to camp but instead we went on family vacations, similar to National Lampoon’s vacations, complete with wackiness that I will save for another post. At the time I thought it was completely lame but looking back, I’m glad my parents insisted on keeping us all together and seeing the country. Really camp is pretty lame and cheesy from what I can tell. Are they going to make us hold hands and sing around a camp fire?!

All I know about camp is what I’ve learned from television and movies. I feel like camp will be a cross between Wet Hot American Summer, Camp Nowhere, Heavy Weights, Friday the 13th,Parent Trap and Salute Your Shorts. Now I’ve never seen Little Darlings but I hear it’s worth seeing as far as camp movies goes (I added it to my Netflix que). I can only assume that at camp there will be a collection of misfits that comes together and unites over some sort of competition, hatred for our parents and/or to humiliate the head of the camp. All these movies do have one unifying message, at camp, you make lasting friendships. I hope this is true. I can never have too many friends.

I’m actually hoping for the cheesiest, kitschiest, typically lamest camp experience possible. Thankfully whenever it gets too much for me, I’m sure I’ll be able to hide behind a camera or say I have to go edit. It can’t be an accident that camp (a supervised program for children and/or teenagers conducted during the summer months in some countries) and camp (an aesthetic sensibility wherein something is appealing because of its bad taste and ironic value) are the same word. Whenever I think about something having camp value I can’t help but think about the episode of The Simpsons (Homer Phobia) when John Waters guest stars as John, the gay guy, where he explains to Homer what camp is:

John: It’s camp! The tragically ludicrous? The ludicrously tragic?
Homer: Oh, yeah! Like when a clown dies.
John: Well, sort of.

Camp is definitely campy. I wonder if there will be a campy summer camp love interest. Maybe we’ll hold hands by the water when no is looking, while our feet dangle off the dock. I’m so embarrassed and excited for this fantasy.

Of all the movies and tv shows about camp, I’d like to think this one is the least absurd and thus closest to the reality of camp but who knows — I guess I will after this summer. Enjoy the opening credits to Canada’s own Salute Your Shorts!

Well wish me luck. I leave on Tuesday and won’t be back until August.

entitlement

(I’m sure I am not alone in feeling this way) My biggest pet peeve is when people feel entitled to do as they please without any regard for anyone else. Oh you think you’re more deserving of some particular reward or benefit — oh you think you are better than that guy over there?From cutting in lines to taking way more than their share to just straight up being rude. My sister has a theory that we are raising a society of children to be selfish. She and I argued about this a bit. I said selfishness is appropriate when you are in your young adulthood (16-28) as you are trying to find yourself. I don’t think we all need to be completely egotistic but we should be looking out for ourselves because if we choose to procreate then we need to be able to support not only ourselves but our progeny. She was less sympathetic. However she was offering problems without solutions. How do we teach children to not become Ass holes? When our society and culture focus on the importance of property, ownership, and pride, praising confidence and competition, how do you teach compassion, selflessness and consideration?

Jessica, my sister, will be the first to tell you that I was a bratty kid. Actually, I’m sure my two older brothers and her would all race to be the first to say that. Granted, somewhere down the line I lost that mentality or at least, I would like to think I did. Eventually it all caught up with me and looking back I’m not always happy with the memory of myself. I’m not going to beat myself up too much about it because there is no use stressing about the past that you can do nothing about. However, I try to use the past as a learning place. What happened to me? Do I still carry an overwhelming sense of entitlement that someone else is ranting about on their blog?

I’ve been producing a short film which has 15 child actors. Needless to say, there has been a lot of energy on set. I took one morning off and left the set to the other producer so that I could recoup. When I came to set later that day, the other producer had informed me that some of the kids have found our snack stash and proceeded to take all the fruit snacks. I was appalled. They ended up taking something like 80 fruit snacks. Granted the snacks were there for them to eat during the production. We want them to feel comfortable. However, those snacks were for the cast AND crew. I didn’t understand why any kid would go through a bunch of cabinets and drawers and finally find some hidden snacks and take them. We were trying to ration them for the entire week. AND they had just had lunch and there were already snacks out. I ended up giving a mother-of-a-speech about respect and courtesy and what it means to steal something. I doubt I made it through to any of 15. The guilty ones lied to my face about it and the guilty by association ones gave up the guilty ones like it was nothing. *SIgh* Now I’m probably going to have to tell their mothers that their sons are sociopaths.

I was driving downtown the other day and as I pulled up to the light I noticed something very strange: I was surrounded on all sides by Lexuses. They varied by regular Lexus Sedans to a convertible to a couple “luxury utility” vehicles (which don’t even get me going on that name, you know because here is the luxury in utility). I looked further and saw a Hummer. Before I go on I should back track. I don’t own a car. I’m not against them or anything, on the contrary, I like cars and see a purpose in them. I even use to be a pizza delivery girl for a major pizza company. Five years ago some jack ass hit me because he was changing cds while he was driving. He destroyed my car, some of the muscle/tissue in my shoulders and my booming career as a pizza delivery girl. Since, I have been car-less. I currently share a car with my mom who lives in San Antonio. It’s a modest 2006 Ford Escort with four cylinders, automatic locks, a tape player in a dirty grayish-brown color. I bike, ride the bus and get rides from my friends. I have a simple life but I’m happy. When I see all these people surrounding me with their flaunted ridiculous wealth, it can get disgusting. I want to think that Mr. Johnson in the car over works really hard and saved and saved for his Lexus SC10. But is that 60k+ car necessary?

It is known that Gandhi gave to his grandson Arun Gandhi some life lessons before he was assassinated. He wrote it on a piece of paper.

The 7 blunders of the world:

• Wealth without work
• Pleasure without conscience
• Knowledge without character
• Commerce without morality
• Science without humanity
• Worship without sacrifice
• Politics without principle

I fully believe in this. It all comes down to everyone’s shit sinks. No one is any better than anyone else. I don’t care if you have a PhD in Omniscience, you are going to die just like that junkie in the ally behind the liquor store. Historically, mostly all cultures on earth have created different kinds of cast systems to categorize people, most of the time valuing some higher than others. Why do humans have this tendency? I can’t wrap my mind around it.

if it pleases and sparkles

Lately I’ve been busy. That’s an understatement. I’m not going to sit here and tell you all the things that I’ve been busy with, you’ll just have to take my word for it. I’ve been so busy that the idea of making a list to help myself get organized is overwhelming. Everyone always suggests to me that making a list is the best way to stay on top of things but it has never worked for me. I hate making time for lists; I hate keeping track of my list. I have a tendency to lose things like lists. There’s a great South Park episode, The List,that comes to mind where all the girls in the class decide to make a list and rank the boys in the class from cutest to ugliest because obviously girls like to make lists. Kyle gets ranked last and Stan goes to Wendy to investigate. Wendy brings Stan to the Girls’ List Making meeting. This is the charm to the episode because we get to see the girls in this bizarre, almost court-like meeting where they vote and make lists on arbitrary things. When they take votes, they ask “Does this sparkle with everyone?” A yes vote is “sunshine”. Great episode but really I don’t relate to it as a girl. I’m not that girl that likes list or shoes really. I digress.

I’ve been so busy that my dreamworld and reality are indistinguishable because I’m working in both. It feels like I’m not even sleeping. It’s the worst. Have you ever made a spreadsheet in your sleep only to wake up and go to your computer and realize all the work you just did on it was in your dream? I love sleep but I haven’t been getting too much of it lately.

I’ve been so busy that I’ve had a mini panic attack the other day. I stopped it before it got bad. I have only had four panic attacks in my life and all within a period of time when I was working three jobs and taking 18 hours (6 classes) in school. My roommate at the time and now best friend coached me through the whole ordeal and showed me how to manage the episodes. She was surprisingly good at this which I chalk up to the fact that she’s been doing yoga since she was a toddler. Panic Attacks are probably the scariest thing that I’ve ever encountered. I begin to think of life and death. One day I am going to die and I won’t be able to do anything about it. It could be tomorrow when I’m on my bike or in a hundred years in my bed. There would be no way to get this data but I bet more people than we would like to believe regret their choices right before they die.

I’ve always thought that I work well under stress. Queen of Procrastination for the purpose of grandeur. But what if I’m a masochist who just loves the torture of stress? According to theAmerican Institute of Stress “Stress is difficult for scientists to define because it is a subjective sensation associated with varied symptoms that differ for each of us. In addition, stress is not always a synonym for distress…Increased stress increases productivity – up to a point, after which things rapidly deteriorate, and that level also differs for each of us. It’s much like the stress or tension on a violin string. Not enough produces a dull raspy sound and too much an irritating screech or snaps the string – but just the correct degree of stress creates a beautiful tone.” So some stress is good but too much is bad. Maybe I’m more distressed and less stressed.

The funny thing about all this is, I shouldn’t even be sitting here writing all this. Doing this, is preventing me from getting real work done. But I needed a distraction if only for a moment which you can barely call this since I’m only thinking about everything I should be doing. I have a constant problem where I’m joggling so many things that every moment of my day is valuable. If I’m doing one thing, I’m disappointing a bunch of other people by not doing their thing. Sometimes when I’m alone in the car I scream as loud as I can. It feels good.

Thankfully I have people that love and care about me enough to make me laugh and make me dinner when I’m too preoccupied to cook or eat. Mostly that’s what gets me through hard times, the thought that it won’t be like this forever and that I have a small army support system. Also the thought that in a couple weeks I will be significantly less busy due to one of my jobs not being able to keep me around in the summer, keeps me going.

I’m sure you’ve seen this video but I thought I would drop it in. It’s really frickin’ cool and I love the song. It’s a great thing to end on when I don’t have a good ending.

Back in Action

I’ve come back to world of blogs after ignoring their existence and importance for some time. Recently I’ve made myself a website (www.gonzography.com) and have been trying to market myself as a professional. Apparently you (creative, artistic, craft-type people) are suppose to have a strong online presence if you want to be taken seriously. I was told by a real film producer that when people apply to work on her sets she get an abundance of qualified people. She ends up Googling everyone’s name and usually hires the people who come up in her search. I think that can be flawed because some people have very common names. I know a Kevin Smith, John Moore, Jim Henson, and Julia Bond and if you Google any of their names you won’t be able to find them. Just for fun, try Googling Sarah Gonzalez. You will get Sarah Gonzalez’s lyrics to “Why did you Leave me”, some Latin American soccer star, a New York City Council Member Sara M. Gonzalez and some random other people’s blogs, myspaces, facebooks and twitter (actually mine). I’m trying best I can to come up on my Google search but I won’t be surprised if I’m never number one on my search. I’m trying to come up for Gonzography which I think is more reasonable.

I often get overwhelmed with the whole idea of adulthood and professionalism. Owning things, paying bills, being responsible is fine and all but it’s not something I feel attached to in any way. Who made all these rules? Granted, it’s kind of fun in a narcissistic way but why would anyone outside my family care what I have to say about anything. I do have a lot of information about things that some people might find useful but I’m sure someone else online has that same information. I feel like we’re all putting these ideas out in the digital abyss but I wonder if anyone actual does anything productive with these thoughts. Are we all just doing and making things just so someone online can validate that we did it? Is someone’s value really measured by their online presence? Just thinking about this makes me want to delete my whole online existence but then I wouldn’t be a “professional”.

I have a theory about age: It seems to me one of the most distinguishable characteristics of children is their ability to be open minded and eager to learn. Even if a child is certain of one thing, you can easily correct him/her and they take it and move on. “what’s this?”, “why is it like that?”, “what does this do?” If you’ve ever spent any amount of time with a kid you’ll probably be bombarded with questions. It’s pretty refreshing actually. Age is based not actually on years alive on earth but of the ability to open one’s self to knowledge. As kids get older, they want to seem older so they begin to fake knowing more than they actually know because of the assumption that adults “know everything”. This is the problem. Listen up kiddos, here’s a secret your parents may not want you to know: Adults don’t know everything. There is no way that any one person can have all the answers. Even if you can collect all the information in the world it wouldn’t last more than a second because every pasting moment, new things develop and history grows. However, there are many people that I’ve come across that are unteachable because they refuse to learn. I know a 50 something year old that falls in this category. She comes off as very old, even crotchety. She won’t accept any new information that me or anyone really, offers. On the flip side, I knew an 80 something year old that was very vivacious. He was thirsty for knowledge and experiences. He was eager to find answers, travel and explore new cultures. He had the spirit of child. The one thing to keep in mind is that the older someone is, does mean that that person has experienced more that someone younger, but it doesn’t mean it is better or worse that younger.

I’m 25 and not really sure what I’m suppose to do. I’m not special in this way. Everyone I know that’s my age seems to be somewhat lost. Jobs, relationships, insurance, houses, cars, babies, travel, service: not really sure which one should be a priority or which direction I should point. I’m open to everything and ready for anything but somehow that’s still not settling.

The long and winding road....

It's been a long trip home. Jess, Hol and I left San Diego at about 1PM in the afternoon on Tuesday and Jessica and I arrived in San Antonio at like 11AM on Wednesday. That's about a day of just driving. We took I-8 to I-10 the whole way. Somewhere in there we dropped Hol off, Casa Grande, AZ I think. I did the long driving. I drove from Tucson to San Antonio from about 8PM to 11AM (with an hour and a half break for sanity purposes). One of the reasons Jess and I did this was because everyone said we couldn't. So hear me now family: if you doubt us we will just work harder to prove you wrong. It's strange how much spite has motivated actions in my life.

When I was a kid, I had a GameBoy. I don't remember exactly which game it was, Zelda I think, but there was a game where when you looked at the map of your journey, it would be just a shaded block if you hadn't been there yet (or unlocked it). If you had been there it would be a more detailed map. My entire geographical life has felt like this map: I know there is a place under that shaded square but I can't really imagine what it unless I've actually been there and made sense of it on my own. This trip has filled in most of the Pacific Coast for me except I had already been to LA so that wasn't a new square.

Everyone keeps asking me the same things: Did you have fun? Yes of course. I had a blast. I wouldn't give it up for anything. I learned a lot about the world around me and about myself. This trip was exactly what I needed. I feel an overwhelming sense of clarity. Jessica and I are closer for it too. Are you glad I'm home? Yes. All good things must come to an end so that we can appreciate them. It is nice to sleep in my own bed again with my cat, Brodie. I get to go back to work on Friday and next week and I get to search for another job. Did you and Jessica fight? Well we had one outburst on the way to San Diego but I'm not a morning person and wasn't feeling well and feel bad about it. Everything worked out for the best though. Things were said that needed to be said. Were you glad that Hol came? I wouldn't change our trip. Having a third did liven things up and I did enjoy his company. Hol is family but that being said he and I know how to provoke each other. At times it got tense but I'm glad it all happened. What was my favorite place? I have to say that I think the Redwoods touched me the most. The beauty of it all consumed me. It was a place where pictures didn't do it justice. Not only was it visually beautiful but the sounds and smells are something I haven't found elsewhere. All of Northern California is amazing. Napa Valley was super beautiful and fun to visit. My favorite city might have been Seattle but mostly because I got to see and hang out with Michelle. I feel like I could easily live in Portland. I could see how San Diego is the happiest city in America (there was some survey somewhere that said San Diego, Austin, and I think some place random like Ashville are the cities where the people are the most content). So basically all of it was my favorite.

In my high school we were constantly told to Reflect. Our senior moto was even "reflect this!" After every big project or paper or test or trip, we were given the assignment of writing a reflection of how we felt about said project, paper, test or trip. As high schoolers we constantly rolled our eyes at this but I'm glad we did it. Those reflections are artifacts of how I felt about whatever in that specific time. That's how I feel about this blog. As I was writing it, I groaned and just wanted to get through it but now, I'm glad I have it to look at and remember. This trip helped remind me how loved I am and how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends. Thank you.

Thanks to all who read this and kept up with my journey. My brother, Andy, got a little annoyed with Jessica and I because he thought we were bragging on our blog. I hope no one thinks that is what we were doing because that is the furthest from it. We just wanted to connect with everyone and embrace the technology given to us. I stayed up late writing every night just so my friends and family got know what we were going through. I couldn't bring much back from my trip other than a smile and an empty wallet but I did manage to send out some postcards while I was traveling. To those of you who got a postcard or two or eight, please return the favor when you got out in the world. I have a wonderful collection of postcards and would like to continue it.

I feel like it's been such a long trip but in retrospect it has just been two weeks. Jessica and Dad leave tomorrow to head up the East Coast back to Boston. I'll be here reading her blog, traveling with her. I hope you do the same.

Thanks again all.

Lions, Tigers, and TURTLES, Oh My!

Yesterday was our last full day on the west coast. Where did the time go. We arrived in San Diego in the early afternoon and headed straight to the San Diego Zoo. It was everything I heard it would be. The funny thing is, I've only really been to the San Antonio Zoo and of course now the San Diego Zoo so my zoo standards are probably pretty high since both are acclaimed. (I have been to the Austin "Zoo" which is actually an animal sanctuary so I'm not counting it) I think all zoos should be big like the San Antonio and San Diego zoos. It wasn't very crowed and the weather was perfect. We did spend a good 15-30 minutes watching the polar bear get her toy stuck under a rock and then try to get it out. Jessica has the moral was that if you keep trying at something you will eventually succeed. I'm not sure if that was an accurate moral to take from the situation since the bear kept using the same method and failing, but whatever. When I go to a zoo I want to see cats. The tigers were disappointing because they were sleeping but we got to watch the lions eat. We spent a lot of time with the monkeys. Hol now wants a monkey as a bet.

After the zoo we headed towards a beach. Since Dad had suggested that we go to La Jolla that is where we went. It was a beautiful beach. The water wasn't even that cold but we didn't suit up and go swim. We watched the surfer boys succeed and fail and then walked along the beach. Jessica finally got her pacific west coast sunset. We even ate our dinner at the Ale House which had a rooftop view of the ocean sunset. Our evening was still open. Our waitress suggested that we go to this bar, Miller's, that races turtles at night. This was a no brainer, we were going to go a bar and watch people race turtles. It was really cool but we had caught the last race of the night. It was kind of a fratty frat frat-kind of bar after the turtle race was over but Jess and Hol were pretty satisfied with the mason jars of beer they served.

Today we are headed home. We are dropping off Hol in Phoenix and then headed to Los Cruces. We have a lot of driving today, at least I've done it before and I know it's going to be super pretty. I'm a little sad it's almost all over but I might also be a little relieved too.

LA LA Land

Today we got into LA and did the LA thing, which mostly consists of not moving in traffic on the freeways. We drove in from Santa Barbara taking the 101 into town. I took Jessica and Hol to Sid Grauman's Chinese Theater and we looked at all the stars and such. A man dressed up as Elvis cursed me and said that something bad was going to happen to me because I accidentally took a picture of him and didn't pay him. We walked around the area but then headed to Studio City to meet up with my film friends, Garrett Rowe and Brett Roach. We mostly sat around Garrett's apartment discussing food before we finally left and went to Jerry's Deli, apparently it's pretty famous. I called up Chris and Mariel who just moved to LA to meet us for some food. The food was pretty good but slow moving. We then headed to the beach taking the scenic route there through the hills and Mulholland Drive. I love Garrett because he's super informative. It was like having our own person tour guide. I'd like to think that Garrett is the most west coast person I know, even though he's not the stereotype.

When we finally made it to Santa Monica (the drive seemed to never end) we ended up checking out the pier and walking along the water. It was a relaxing walk along the beach. The Pacific Ocean is beautiful and we were lucking enough to have had a nice day outside. As my blood sugar dropped I suggested soft serve. We all sat under the pier, looking at the bubbles, listening to the people and crashing waves, eating our soft serve. After much walking and debate we somehow thought it would be a good idea to watch the sunset from the Observatory at the top of Griffith park so we headed back across town to check that out. We didn't make it to the top to see the sunset but it was still one hell of a view. The park and the Observatory is a perfect place to bring a date. There was so much to do. I didn't give ourselves enough time to fully explore the facilities.

The whole day took longer than we had expected. Our lodging plans for the night consisted of staying in Anaheim with high school buddy, Lucas. Anaheim is about 30-45 minutes away from where we were hanging out so we bolted towards Lucas, so not to keep him waiting too long. When we finally got there, we were starving. Lucas and his roommates, Jeff and Analiese took us to Downtown Disney in hopes of food and drinks. HOWEVER everything was closing which annoying on many levels. I really felt like I was walking in hell, which was Disneyland. I was just so weak and hungry. Jessica, Hol and I couldn't stop laughing and acting like idiots. The delirium of the malnutrition must have set in.We ended up at Denny's and then their local dive bar. A drunk man even gave me his jacket for no good reason.

All and all it was a good day, a good long day.

Tomorrow San Diego and the San Diego Zoo! One of Jessica's goals for this trip was to see a Pacific Coast beach sunset so tomorrow will be that day, weather permitting.